On how to mask your feelings

Recently, I got into a bit of disagreement working with my close friend in a project. It was quite an awkward situation. And I think it can be said that none of us (probably) liked what happened very much. I don’t think it is fair to blame anyone, but I guess my friend has reached a threshold, and so had I.

Some friends are just meant not to be working partners, whereas you can have friends who work well with you on projects. I guess it depends very much on personalities, and also the ability of both parties to draw a clear line between personal friendships and a working relationship.

Maybe also a bit of luck.

Back to the topic at hand, I realised I had the tendency to take offense quite easily. I am also not too good at masking my emotions, hence I show my displeasure very easily. It’s written all over my face. And I have a tendency to be very defensive, which, coupled with my inability to mask my displeasure, cause me to get into arguments quite frequently.

But I don’t deal very well with arguments. When people ran into confrontations head on, I tend to keep silent and withdraw. Many people think that by that I am ignoring them – therefore drawing the conclusion that I am really rude and arrogant.  When in actual fact I just dislike confrontations and prefer to walk away. To me, walking away is not being rude, I’m just taking myself away from the hostility. Because I know that if I get involved, I would get really heated up.

Apparently my withdrawal is also cause for unhappiness.

I seriously don’t know how I am going to survive when I start working. Every single fricking emotion is written explicitly on my face! If I’m pissed it shows. And of course that is not the way to go if you want to build relationships / backstab people etc. Notice how the same quality leads to two different outcomes?

And then when I withdraw myself to avoid confrontation, people get offended.

Sometimes people ask for too much.


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