Scent

The first thing I notice about someone is their scent.

Protected: Things that hurt my heart

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On being happy

Someone said once that when you are happy, you don’t really blog. Which is true, if you think about it – at least for me, I blog when I’m frustrated or thoughtful. When I’m happy I usually… don’t write about it.

But there are things I don’t want to forget about.

Things are really good now – thanks to a large part in having CJ. Sometimes I don’t really know what he sees in me… I am really touched when I was away at camp at Jalan Bathera, he came to me not once, but twice. It’s almost embarrassing how much I missed him… think they caught me once sniffing at his sweater. I can’t put in words how happy I was to see him at 2am, outside camp, with supper for me.

Sometimes I get scared I am too callous, or that I take things for granted.

When people ask me what I like about him… I’m usually at a loss for what to answer. Because it’s hard to pinpoint one particular trait – it’s all of him that made me fall.

Things have just been happening really quickly since that Friday night at Zouk that I didn’t really have the time to update. I’ve already gotten used to spending time with him everyday whereever.

He has no idea how happy he makes me.

He has no idea it scares me that I care so much about him too.

And yes – I am still sleeping with his sweater tonight.

Vent entry

erkfjvntaeir;ghn;iufh ldhg ;j r;i g;dig d;i gja ANNOYING rj g;dig kjn dfk dj dkfg I am so pissed off dkj ga;dfgk ;dfkjn kjg ATGHHGGHGHGHHG!!!

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Being Happy

Lately I haven’t been updating much, but I’ve been doing a lot of stuff.

I’m just happy. That’s all to it I guess.

Technology is not my friend

First it was the copier which refused to print my stuff.

Then the phone that died – and when I asked J to come fix it, we found that it was only cause the plug got loose.

Then the fax machine – first I had to hunt for it (cause we moved from 1st level to 2nd level, and then I have to figure out how to fax stuff)

Wireless died on me for 2 days – until J got me a cable line.

Then, when I thought nothing could happen – THE DOOR.

Early in the morning, the only door open would be the one by the stairs. My table is at the far end, and there is a door there, but it would be locked and can only be activated from the inside. So I walked in through the open door, and went to my table. Threw my bag down and tried to get out from the back door. You had to press a button to release the catch, then turn the handle.

I pressed the button, pressed down on the handle.

‘Clank!’

I was mortified, but okay, I tried again. Pressed the button, turn the handle.
‘Clank!’

LS came over to help me – she turned the lock on the door.

‘Clank!’

There was this caucasian guy sitting over at the T*quila side.

‘Turn the lock!’ He was mouthing.

Okay… after like 20 awkward seconds of fighting with the door and that guy looking on amusedly, I got the door open.

‘I feel like a moron!’ I told him.

*

So anyway, I was hanging out and talking with some colleagues at another table when the same caucasian guy walked into the office.

‘Who’s computer is that?’ He asked, pointing to my computer.

Friend pointed to me.

‘Is this old?’ He asked

‘It’s recently installed, but yes, its an old computer’

‘Your monitor – it’s huge!’

‘I know!’

‘Haven’t seen something like this for a long time’

‘Oh well – it works so I guess it’s okay’

‘Ask them to get you a new computer’

‘Okay’

Later he left… and I asked my colleauges ‘So who’s he?’

‘What?! You didn’t know? He’s the MD!

‘He’s the guy who saw me fight with the door?’

‘Yes’

‘Omg he probably thinks I’m a moron!’

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Aimlessness

I don’t know if it’s the music playing in the background, or that I’m due for my PMS soon or it’s just a phase, but I’ve been thinking about the aimlessness in my life.

I think we’re at the stage in our lives that people start getting serious about relationships and settling down, thinking about what they want to do career wise for the rest of their lives. And before you know it, talks about insaurance, moving out to an apartment and getting married emerge.

And when people ask you, so how about you?

I’m always at a loss.

‘I’m dating’

‘Oh a special guy?’

‘Oh no… just guys in general’

Then they’ll look surprised, and I’ll explain that it just means I am not serious about anyone. Upon prodding, I’ll tell them who it was who picked up at work last week, or who I went with to watch the Germany-Sweden match and so on.

Then they’ll go like ‘Oh my gosh. You shouldn’t lead him on!’ Or sometimes the look – Oh you better get settled down soon look.

Seriously what’s the big deal?
I used to think it wasn’t a big deal, but sometimes when everyone is going out with their respective halves, or after a shitty day at work where you fuck up stuff and you just want someone to tell you there-there-it’s-okay – then you feel the need for someone to be there. Sure it’s all very selfish reasons, but we are all selfish people anyway so what’s new?

And sometimes, you get so afraid that it’s gonna be this way for some time – what are you going to do?

Today my brother asked me ‘So how’s you and the guy mum saw you with?’

‘What about him?’

‘Your boyfriend?’

‘No, haven’t really talked to him’

‘Huh, so not serious?’

‘Nope, we’re not’

‘Then you guys just (tmi) and left it like that?’

Then I didn’t know what to say. ‘Well ya’ seemed like the best thing to say, but I opted for shrugging.

Then it hit me. This was aimlessness.

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