Surprising how sometimes you can feel like the most popular person in the world, and other times you can feel like you’re so insignificant, nobody would notice if you walked around them wearing a rabbit suit.
Daily rubbish, I’m not sad or agnsty or anything, I’m just reflecting. Been hole-ing (holeing? holing?) myself up these couple of days trying to study. I’m quite proud of myself actually, I managed to stay off the computer for like 3 days! And I haven’t logged on to msn since last week! Not that I got a lot of work done though, completed Lipstick Jungle (Candace Bushnell’s great! I’ll write some stuff about the book later) and halfway through False Memory (Dean Koontz still scares the hell out of me). So how? Tomorrow’s paper’s screwed!
What am I doing here? I came online to download notes 
Bahhhh.
I realised that I kind of enjoyed this alone time. Not really for long periods of time though, it’s just that I kind of felt like isolating myself for a while. I guess that’s the ultimate test, to see if you could withstand being alone. I’ve always feared loneliness, the thought that entire days, months, years lay stretching ahead alone, totally alone!!!!!! scares me like crazy (That is so Bridget Jones haha…) But for once, I guess, I’ve kind of enjoyed walking around at home in a huge oversized sweater (love cold weather) pretending to study, drinking coffee and milo, watching reruns of Sex and the City, messy hair pulled up in a ponytail, dorky glasses, sprawling on the bed reading, curling up the couch eating biscuits… OMG I love it! Haha… I really have a damn unglam side to me (not that I’m always very glamourous)
Kind of glad J and C stopped calling, still messaging but … hum. I don’t know… It’s not very phone savvy to call a girl up at 3 to ask if she’s sleeping right… :/
Have outstanding date with C after the exams before he flies off to I-don’t-know-where. Maybe he can be my indulgence, haha.
It’s just that for a while I got kind of sick of dating… always asking too many questions when guys ask me out … ‘ Where will this lead to anyway?’, ‘What if he’s a waste of time?’, ‘I sense jerk vibes from him’, ‘He’s gonna bore me’. It’s over analysing! Do I regret not going out with them? Maybe… but I would have been a scrowling pouting unpleasant individual anyway so why waste their time right…
Anyhoo, C… I figure after that date I’m not gonna see him ever again so it’s okay. Oh my god, have I become so allergic to dating that I will only do it if it’s guranteed that it will lead no where. Wtf I just contradicted what I said in the last paragraph… haha. I guess I’ll just stick to fun dating for now. I kind of missed dating for fun anyway. And the plus point is that he’s hot. Alright, I think he’s hot; I’m not attracted to him, but he’s really cute… so what the hell. I sound seriously shallow, but who cares, I’m just doing this for fun. Or in any case, to annoy that girl who looked pissed when he asked me for my number. Ha ha ha!
…
I don’t really like this new me.
